New year, samething?

January has started off fairly strong in terms of productivity. I got the book finished, formatted and published this month https://a.co/d/g7B48R9.
We started 2 new projects 2 Be Focused and The Good Wives podcast. They are both live and we are taking steps to promote and take advantage of the following we already have and using it to build a following.

We have had a lot of things going on in our personal lives for the last few months. Things that are more out of my control than I like. Waiting on other people has never been a strong suit for me. I would much rather be hands on and getting things done at the pace I know I am capable of. However sometimes you have to lean on the experience of others. I understand why, I just hate that it has to be that way.
We have made a lot of back end changes as well. Brought on new people, partnered where we could and are really trying to make 2025 evolve.

I am under an extreme amount of stress. I cant pin point all the causes. I know its affecting my sleep schedule. I know that I am pushing trying to get all my ducks in a row and my lack of patience and wanting everything to be RIGHT NOW is a contributing factor. The irony is I know that I need to relax and let things happen as they can vs happening when I want it. I very much feel like a spoiled brat sometimes. I want it now type shit. And this mindset is not only problematic for my mental its overly dangerous as a whole. As I mentally zoom out of my life, and look at the bigger picture, I know I am heading to where I want to be. But while in the shit its hard to see that. I also think its really doing a number on my mental health. I have felt good enough that I am not overly concerned about slipping into a crazy bad depression, but I do feel I am treading water in that department and its bound to happen. Trying my best to avoid that.

Going back to the gym after what feels like an eternity away from it because of my back. I know that this will help get the mental health back to normal. But there is a very real fear that my back will get worse again. I really down played how bad it was for a while because we had obligations and when it comes down to it. No one really gives a shit about what someone else is going through as long as you continue to perform to their expectations. Perform monkey.

I need to finish my vision board soon. I keep putting so much of it off because I dont know what I want or where I want to go. I am struggling to not accept complacency in my life. I have always had an idea of where I want to go. Right now I dont. Part of me really wants to sell the house and move. Part of me wants to stay and rent homes a year at a time in other states. Live in the van and travel. Something other than what we are currently doing. It all does it for me mentally. But the idea of packing up and actually moving this house does not. The thought of it is daunting and honestly I dont know if it would be worth it to do.

This entire post is more for me to keep track of my life and vent. I dont feel like physically writing in my journal right now.